One thing I’ve always thought of myself is that I really don’t fit in with Christian culture. Not the loving Jesus part, obviously, but the “style” of Christian life. At least as portrayed by the magazines, records and tv channels. It’s this thought that has made me feel uncomfortable as a worship leader at times. First off, I’m not a man! Also, I’m not blond, my teeth aren’t straight and bright white, I’m not skinny, my voice isn’t that great, and I didn’t go to bible college.
I found myself in a strange situation last week, because of some miscommunication I was asked very last minute to lead a few songs at a church planting seminar. I didn’t know anything about it except that I would get some free chili, so I showed up the next day and walked into a room full of people who have planted churches, or are currently in the process. I guess it shouldn’t have been so unexpected, but the ratio of men to women was about 20:1. I have never seen so many 25-35 year old married, bible degreed men trying to look like David Crowder. It was amazing. And, to be honest, a bit uncomfortable for me. It was like walking into a club that I never knew existed.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love David Crowder! This isn’t a post judging others- it’s a post reflecting on how I can learn to adapt to social situations that are very different to me. Honestly, I do feel out of place in most Christian circles- I’m female worship leader and my husband isn’t a pastor- in fact he isn’t in ministry at all.
After mulling through this, I do know that it doesn’t change my desire to be a worship leader. There is something to be said about “growing up” and just making do. It’s a great thing to get some more diversity- but I wish it didn’t have to be me! I sure I’m more preoccupied with my situation than anyone else anyway- I bet no one else cares that I’m one of 10 women in a room of pastors.
Men-do you even think about this? Women- can you relate at all? How have you overcome this kind of thing?
Don’t ever be discouraged about not looking like everyone else. Take the situation that you described as pure entertainment: church conferences are such hilarious gatherings of faux-hawks and flip flops! Nothing against any of our brothers who sport “the look”, but it is pretty funny when so many of them get together!
Just be who you are… God can use that!
I TOTALLY GET THIS!!!!!
(sorry… not yelling with the caps… just making sure you know I totally get this
I have been in very similar situations as you described. It’s true… you can’t help but feel really really weird when you’re one of very few women in a room full of ministry guys. Especially if the ‘wives are dismissed for a special activity of their own’.
And I’m often a bit deflated by comments made about ‘every worship leader being a 20-something metro guy…’. What’s always been true in my experience is that the guys I’ve met in this kind of scenario are always friendly, always willing to engage in conversation, and usually unaffected by the fact that I seem not to fit in.
Here’s one way I’ve helped myself get over any feelings of insecurity: My husband tells me there usually? often? a sense of competition present when guys with similar professions hang out together. And in ministry, that sense of competition really has no place, so if there is self-awareness in play at all, the guys are having to try to get over that competitiveness thing.
isn’t it GREAT that we don’t wrestle with that dynamic??!?!??! Of all the many layers of social dynamics that we, as women, have navigated since we were, like, 8 years old…..we’re SPARED THIS ONE!!! I have never, ever felt like I had to compete with any of these guys. While we have similar callings, ministry experiences, etc, I don’t wrestle with comparing myself personally to them.
glory-hallelujah-and-rock fist to the sky.
I completely utterly understand! Last week I led worship at a pastor’s seminar. um… I sing in the key of girl. Poor guys!
I’m growing more and more comfortable with my role as a worship leader… I’m ok with being a little lady in a big room of men. But, I also want to have guy vocalists on my team, so we can do songs in a key that better fits the male vocal range.
That’s the only hang up I’m aware of!